Birthday fun 🍰

There was a time, when younger that birthdays meant gaining £s not lbs ☹️

I turn 46 today and every bite of beautiful birthday cake seems to add a notch to my belt!

I’m not saying I’m not grateful, in fact we are due to meet friend tonight for a meal and a few drinks 🍷 to celebrate but as I get older the effort to look presentable just gets harder. I have to brush my thinning hair strategically to give the illusion of more than there is. And then there’s the clothes, a big meal, more cake and a few beers I’ll need some clothes with plenty of ‘stretch’

So whilst I take the afternoon to contemplate and consider my choices spare a though for those of us closer to 50 than 30 as the effort to have a night out is bigger than it used to be 😁

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The SatNav, the journey, the pain!

The Sat Nav

For those who spend your time traveling to meetings, you may find parts of this familiar.

Its early in the morning, you’re sat in the car, its dark and your inputting an unknown postcode. ‘Post code not recognised’ says the satnav, you swap you’re glasses and try again, ‘calculating’ and you wait. You checked the night before, 2 hours said google maps, why is satnav now saying 3 ½ hours! You settle back and hope you make your meeting on time, the centre asked for a 9.00am start, why didn’t I push them back you ask yourself as you enter your first set of traffic lights.

A few miles down the motorway and the satnav tells you to turn left in two miles? That doesn’t look right, I should be on here for another 50 miles? Do you ignore it, afterall, I know more than a silly satnav, I went to college and everything, this doesn’t know what to do unless I tell it! I’m not having a satnav tell me what to do, I ignore it and go past the junction, I’m still annoyed at satnav 100 metres later when I come to a sudden halt behind traffic, grrrrrr……

I have time to reflect on my decision as I crawl 3 miles in twenty minutes, its ok, I’ll take the next junction…….with everyone else. I finally come of the motorway and the satnav is telling me to take the second exit, that’s the one back onto the motorway I just got off! No satnav is going to tell me what to do so I ignore it, that motorways full, this will be a breeze, and so it was for 3 miles until I hit a city centre. 

Many moments later I’m on an open road back to the motorway so I can sit in traffic there instead of the city centre. Satnav says to turn off the next junction, ok, ok, I’ll listen this time, and I turn off. Now I’m on a country road but I’m moving quickly with little traffic accompanying me. I slow behind a car and there’s a little bridge, I’m curious, I drive up slowly to a short heavily bearded man who is obviously taking this role very seriously 

“20p please Sir” says bearded man

“do you take contactless mate”

“what’s contactless?”

“It doesn’t matter, I only have a two 50 pence pieces, do you have change”

“No” says bearded man

Silence……..

“well just take the 50p” I reply

“Cannot do that sorry, its 20p to cross the bridge”

“I understand but I’m running late, keep the change”

“I have a 20p for change” he says

“that’s great, you can owe me the 10p”

“I don’t owe you anything sir”

“No you don’t owe me now, but if I give you 50p, and you give me 20p you can owe me the remaining 10p”

“But I’d owe you 10p Sir”

“it’s ok, please, I’d just like to get to my meeting”

“I’ll ask this car behind if he has change”

He walks to the car behind and I see them chatting and laughing, several minutes pass until the bearded man returns

“sorry he doesn’t have any change”

I mumble something

“seriously its fine, keep the 50p”

“I’ve got an idea I’ll ask the car behind the car behind”

He passes me the 20p he has and walks to the other car…….. I drive off.

As I drive off, I see him shaking his head at me and making a note, I put the 20p into my cup holder…… next to another 20p that had been there all the time! That’s another 15 minutes lost, I blame satnav and continue driving.

I eventually get to my destination, 9.10am, I try to park, a tall bearded man (Yes really) you cannot park here Sir

“Sorry I’m late for a meeting”

“Its pay and display”

“How much”

“just 50p sir”

“do you take contact…..oh it doesn’t matter”

I mumble under my breath as I get my final 50p out of my wallet to walk to the machine. It’s a parking machine, I mean how complicated can they make it? It has several pages of A4 instruction in font size -10, I take my chance and put in the 50p..and wait, I press every button on the machine and after what seems like an eternity finally a ticket comes out, free fries with a happy meal? Oh wait it’s the wrong way round, I have my parking ticket.

I run to reception,

“Not this reception Sir” the lady says

“can you tell me which reception please?”

“you want the college reception”

“yes thats right, the college reception please”

“this isn’t the college reception” she says

“that’s fine, I understand, (for the love of all things …..) please could you kindly advise me where I should walk to find the college reception”

“I wouldn’t walk”

“You wouldnt walk?”

“No, it’s the next building along, would take 15 minutes it’s a fair way down” she replies

I exhale and slowly walk back to my car, my shoulders are slumped, my desire shot, I get back in my car and drive round to the next car park.

“You cannot park here Sir”

I’m not going to type my reply but needless to say a few short moments later I had the best parking space in the college, the Principal will have to go the pay and display if she turns up this morning!

I get to the correct reception and I explain I’m late

“Your meetings not until 10.30am Sir, did they not tell you they had changed it”

I spend the next hour composing myself and thinking about my morning.

My meeting happens, goes well and I relieved its all over, now for a relaxing drive home.

I enthusiastically enter my post code into the satnav and wait, 4 hours! 4 HOURS! I scream at the satnav lady several times but its no good, it remains 4 hours and I set off growling at the world.

An hour into my drive and satnav informs me to take an alternative but quicker route, I’m not going to ignore her this time, I’ll take the advice. After half an hour of open roads and bright sky’s I slow behind the car in front, I recognise this. A few moments later a short bearded man walks towards me, oh no not again as I realise it’s the same bridge.

“Hello again Sir”

“Hello again, here’s your 20 pence” I sigh

“Its 30 pence Sir”

“But it was only 20p this morning?”

“Yes but you were driving East Sir”

“What’s that got to do with it?”

“Its only 20p driving East Sir”

“It’s the same bridge?”

“Its further this way Sir, its 30 pence” he smirked!

“Further? How can it be further, its the same bridge! Look it doesnt matter, you owe me 10p from this morning” I say hopefully

“Sorry Sir I don’t owe you anything”

“But I gave you 30p this morning coming the opposite way?” I say in desperation

“Not possible Sir, its only 20p going East”

“Well I only have another 20p, here take this”
“I don’t have any change Sir”
“Its ok, you can owe me the 10p” I say confidently
 

“I cannot take 40p Sir, its only 30p to cross”

The man in the car behind becomes impatient and shouts “You shouldn’t try to cross the bridge if you have no money”

I shout back “I have 40p”

He replies “But it’s only 30p”

“but he owes me…..oh forget it”

I give up and drive off again.

30 minutes from home the car continuously bleeps at me, I need fuel, I’m so tempted to ignore its request, I figure this car owes me for the day I’ve had, I reluctantly pull over and get fuel. I go to the counter and offer my debit card

“Sorry Sir, our card machine is broken”

And so was I………☹️


My Bike Jounrey

Exercise only gets harder as you get older……..and rounder……… and (insert own comment)

So, if there’s anything you can do to help with motivation it’s to be welcomed.

On 22nd June this year I plan a long cycle ride through Cheshire and across to the fringes of Shropshire.

My motivation? Well there are several factors, mostly to help generate funds for the St Helens Academy tour of Australia, to support Willowbrook hospice on the second anniversary of my mums passing and to challenge my Dad body to do something worthwhile.

The full cycle route is 100 miles, I’m not promising I can do that, but I aim to get passed half way before thumbing a lift back home J I hope to drag my middle-aged overweight backside as far as possible, its also a personal challenge having had a heart ablation two years ago for AF and years of thyroid issues its good to challenge yourself.

We will start and end at the Gerard arms and we welcome donations through this just giving page – https://www.justgiving.com/crowdfunding/david-pye-1?utm_term=296mveXQ9

Following the ride, we will be giving away a rugby ball signed by St Helens rugby team sponsored by cash converters, please donate however small to enter the draw.

On the day I hope to share updates through social media so please follow me David Pye on twitter and facebook, I will also tag others to help promote

Thanks for reading and if anyone fancies joining me and my friend Lewis please let us know

just giving

The Christmas Party!

Some people 🙂

It’s that time of year again when we all look to book our festive
celebration. During a year which has brought challenges and changes at my organisation it was an opportunity to share time with new colleagues and bid farewell to friends moving onto new opportunities.

So, this year our leader Diane, the Queen of such occasions and Duncan from reception (Drunken after this party!) a party organiser arranged a quaint little place near Covent Garden for us to enjoy an evening of tapas, dancing and laughter. The venue didn’t disappoint with lots of others enjoying their seasonal party, however, nobody else there made quite the impression of the powerhouse which is our company and staff!
There was a Grinch, Father Christmas, Mother Christmas, Xmas tree,
wacky shirts, ties, and most of these were just Ken from HR! We had hats that light up, elf ears and a full-sized penguin which could be seen hopping to the bar occasionally to share cocktails with Mother Christmas.

Everyone looked fabulous and Paul the office temp was almost as tall as me (6’5″) with his big light up festive hat. I was engaged in a conversation about the changes to company funding, the impact of BREXIT and the challenges facing education with the introduction of new policy when the penguin asked me if I wanted a pornstar martini, which to my surprise turned out to be a drink, I can only apologies to the lady at the bar, it was a genuine mistake.
It’s fair to say that work started to make more sense with each drink, although getting to the bar was difficult as you had to hop over Suzis legs whilst her feet were massaged by Alison who is now booked up until Summer 2019.  

Getting to this venue was a challenge for most of us who have very poor sense of direction, well, getting home was an even greater challenge. Being of the chivalrous type, I decided to ensure several of the glamorous ladies and the penguin got into a taxi safely. What was to follow had people pointing and laughing for several minutes as we tried to figure out how everyone would get back home. The party of seven successfully flagged down a taxi, several glamourous ladies and said
penguin entered the taxi, all’s well with the world until the driver said he couldn’t take seven. After much discussion one got out, followed by another, and another until all seven were now stood outside of the taxi.
Another discussion took place, lots of nodding and counting and the group unanimously agreed on a new plan – everyone got back in. The patient taxi driver once again explained that he couldn’t take seven, so one lady who cannot be named (Sarah from payroll) got out the left-hand door, walked round the cab and climbed in the right-hand door. To everyone’s surprise the taxi driver turned around and explained there were still seven in the cab. This prompted much discussion and counting and a new plan was agreed……….everyone got out.
The charge was now around £30, and nobody had gone anywhere, it’s fair to say that the drivers patience was wearing thin as other drivers were now honking their horns bringing more attention to this complex mystery.
This prompted yet more discussion, head counting and general contemplation whilst new plans were being formed. At this stage everyone realised penguin was staying put and was refusing to move, he would sleep in this taxi if he had to. After much chatting and deliberating somebody had the idea of getting second taxi, to which the other six all nodded in enthusiastic agreement at this startling intelligent solution
worthy of some International recognition. Surely this can be counted as ‘exceeding’ in their next appraisal?

It was to my relief that a second taxi was found, and everyone could
make their way back safely. I decided to walk; the fresh winter air would help clear my head. I used the map on my phone and followed the direction of the taxi, I was confused as the dot on my phone was going the wrong way, it took a few minutes to realise the dot was indeed going
the correct way and it was me walking in the wrong direction, even so I made it back before the others.

Everyone enjoyed the party and we are all grateful to those who organised it, paid for it and contributed by sharing your company and festive spirit. It really is the sign of a great team made up of great people working for a great organisation when we can come together after
challenging times and genuinely enjoy each other’s company.

Until the next time, I hope you enjoy this blog. s

St Helens RLFC are taking their Academy players on this amazing Aussie tour 2019!

Hi All, St Helens RLFC has a major commitment to the development of local junior rugby talent into future stars. Every two years and to date have taken over 180 players, 42 of which have gone on to play in Super League. The tours are only possible with your kind support, all donations are welcome from family, friends and those supportive of such great opportunities for these young men who have worked so hard to get into this position, in return sponsorship from companies of £100+ will be added to the team brochure and website created as a souvenir, should you be interested we would be very grateful.

The club need to raise over £10k to make this possible, the players donate, parents make a contribution and the club run many fund raising activities. The lads work hard to raise these funds and its a great opportunity for them to experience another Country, culture and challenge. They play 4 games against the best young talent in Australia and don’t neglect their studies when they are out there. They grow as individuals and this is a life experience as well as a rugby one. https://www.justgiving.com/crowdfunding/david-pye-1?utm_term=4QnjYKeAd

Jamie is lucky enough to be one of these players going on tour in October 2019 which is reward for all his hard work so far. Thank you for reading, David https://www.justgiving.com/crowdfunding/david-pye-1?utm_term=4QnjYKeAd

So this is my first go – here I am

It’s Saturday evening, I’ve walked the dog, cooked the tea, cleaned the dishes and watched some re-runs on TV. Its not even 9.00pm and I find myself struggling to think of what to do. Could go the pub? But that’s the usual retreat, let’s do something more rewarding and hopefully less of a hangover.

Well, I’ve always liked writing, write for friends, send funny jokes, just fooling around, I guess you know the thing. People say they enjoy my little internal ‘blogs’ or emails at work and I have always wondered if there was a way I could share these things with a wider audience. I had heard of blogging but never really checked it out, I have always wanted to write some kind of book, but what about? So as my wife control the TV, my teenage children disappear to their rooms I decide to check out the blog thingy….and here I am

Well it all seems pretty good, although this was my third attempt to create a profile, trying others first, even tumbler which just looked like Instagram for the PC? But this seems much more what I like, a place to write my waffle. I’m not to sure what I will write about, usually its telling a story about the day before, the night before or a funny thought I had. I’m really looking forward to it, I hope you enjoy it, any pointers of advice please let me know, I’m new but excited by this.

I best pop down and make a brew, my wife will be wondering why I’ve run away upstairs to the PC for so long!

Goodbye for now, David

#hello #new